The title of the blog is actually a bit misleading, because I think that there is a whole lot of what to realizing that 30 is all of a sudden a soon to be reality. I've been talking about returning to my blogging a lot. It's always in some way referenced to my TV viewing habits and there will be mention of the many television shows I watch but that is not where the inspiration for this ever so eloquent social commentary came from. The impetus was a conversation I had the other night. It went a little something like this:
"Dating anyone?" "No" I casually answer.
"
You know...you're 29."
I, in fact, do know that I am almost 29. No grand revelation has been bestowed upon me by the uttering of those words.
"Any prospects? Any body on the horizon? Any crushes?"If you're going to imply that me being 29 means I should have a husband lined front then you shouldn't throw the word
"crush" in there. I have a crush on someone every twenty minutes, but in the context of this conversation crushes are not what you want me to have. Crushes are people that you see on the street or that guy who stands next to you getting coffee every morning. The guy standing next to you getting coffee every morning could be a viable option if you stopped averting making eye contact with him, but that's a topic for another day.
"
No.""You should start thinking about it." The conversation ended there. Does anyone really think that I have not given some thought to the fact that I am 29 and single. Of course I have. Does it make me want to leap off a building? Of course it doesn't. I have thought about it a lot and I've come to the conclusion.......
That I would drive a boyfriend CRAZY! Honestly, after 29 years I am so set in my ways that I can't imagine having to factor into another person into this. I have a tendency to.....overbook is the wrong word, but some days the only time I leave free is the time that it takes me to travel from one place to another. I like being busy. I like running around. I like going to three birthday parties in one night after having worked for 10 hours. I'd rather do that then sit at home. I'm sure that there is someone out there just like me who thinks the same way, but how could we ever date each other? We'd see each other on October 15th, February 4th, and August 31st.
The thing that really makes me scared of a boyfriend has nothing to do with committment. It's my DVR. My DVR is very full. I watch a lot of TV. Even I don't know when I find to watch all the TV that I do, but somehow I squeeze it in. I check the DVR every morning before I leave the house to make sure that everything is scheduled to be recorded. I like knowing that the DVR is in my bedroom and no one is going to turn on the TV, or accidentally turn off the cable box. There is nothing that makes me more annoyed then coming home to find something that I wanted to watch did not record. Believe it or not, when there was no such thing as DVRs and everything had to be taped on a VCR I led the same sort of life and watched the same amount of TV. I get irrationally angry at myself when something doesn't record. If someone else was subject to that they would break up with me in a hot second. I'd break up with me based on my reactions to a malfunctioning DVR. It's not a pretty sight.
There are times I think it might be nice to come home and spend the night with my boyfriend, but then I realize I'd have to share the remote or that I couldn't make last minute plans with someone because I had a boyfriend to go home to. I say all this from a really uneducated point of view. I think that it's important to keep in mind that the longest relationship I've ever had was 8 months and that was when I was 21 years old. The day that I shed that we and put back on me was a good day.
Where does that leave me? I have no idea. I'm a bundle of contradictions? More often then not I want nothing more then to be single, but sometimes I think to myself it would be nice to actually have that special someone but then I realize that at the age of 29 I have no idea how to be in a relationship. My entire frame of reference is every romantic comedy that has been made since 1983 and while that makes for a wonderful DVD collection, it doesn't really help you navigate the waters of dating in reality. Unfortunately, those particular waters have been rocky. I should be abandoning that particular ship because every dating choice I make just puts more holes in it. Just ask anyone close to me. I've been told that I should not be allowed to pick my own dates. I think that's right.
And after all that hemming and hawing and me sometimes going around saying I want to be single forever the truth of the matter is I want the complete opposite. I want a boyfriend...until I get one and then I'll want to be single.
